Not Against Sincerity

To be sincere is to be genuine, while to write sincerely about something is to give an honest, genuine account of ones inner thoughts or emotions. Although it may sound like a solely positive thing, I must acknowledge that sincerity can often be two-faced.

Many times, I have experienced the problem of blurring the line between sincerity and outright bluntness. I call it tough luck sincerity. Sometimes it comes off looking badly, but I will always fervently defend its necessity.

A friend of mine, lets call her Jane, had been cheating on her boyfriend John for months, despite him being one of the most mild, kind people I have ever met. The day he found out, he called her and said that he did not think he could be with her anymore. Jane called me on the phone crying to explain the situation; someone had sent a photo of Jane kissing another guy to John and, from there, it all went downhill. John did some “research”, called around, and realized he was being played for a fool for a long time. Jane claimed that she “needed John”, and that “whoever sent out the photo was a terrible person.” She was acting as if she did nothing wrong, or it was beyond her to see what she could have been doing wrong. She blamed the whole situation on everyone but herself.

At this moment, I realized that comforting Jane would go against my values. I had been cheated on before, I had seen other people do it to each other in the past, and I concluded that cheating is one of those facts of life that I have no tolerance for. So instead of taking the easy road and telling Jane that I felt very sorry for her, I said, “I sincerely think that this is nobody’s fault but your own.” What did I mean by sincerely? I meant that I was not going to be that guy at the cash register that plasters on a fake smile and tells you to have a nice day, or that kid who is only nice to someone because they want something from them. I was giving her an account of how I truly felt, a peek into my inner self, and that to me is sincerity.

In this situation, sincerity may not have extrinsically benefitted me in any way. It showed me its negative side, a side that snuck up on me and threatened the structure of my life. My friend was angry with me for a while and I almost apologized to her. Almost. Instead, I chose to stand by sincerity because what I gained intrinsically overwhelmed what I lost extrinsically. I felt confident in myself, it was assuring to be able to live up to what I claim my standards to be. Sincerity is another way for me to act out my values, and I know from experience that if left uncared for, values will slowly wither away like a plant that is not watered. My point is that I am glad I did not apologize to Jane, for it would not have been sincere.